Happy, Not Satisfied on Substack!
HNS Insiders,
I am excited to move my Happy, Not Satisfied newsletter to Substack! You’ll get the same type of content, but run through a different, more user-friendly platform.
For those of you who missed it, here is last week’s post on fighting against the addiction to misery:
Fight Against the Addiction to Misery.
Can you think of someone whose identity is defined by negativity? You know what you are going to get when you ask a question, make a comment, or even try to compliment them: glass half empty, languishing, vitriol…Eeyore vibes.
Has this ever been you? It has certainly been me.
I talk about fighting against the addiction to misery every time I present, speak at a conference, or talk to large groups. It is hands down the most mentioned line of my presentation when attendees talk to me afterward. It hits a nerve because hearing the words is a wake-up call of sorts. It forces people to realize they have forgotten how to function without misery defining their personality.
This tends to happen when we are in prolonged stressful situations. It also happens so gradually that we can’t even perceive it. It’s insidious in this way. This addiction to misery is a defense mechanism. We might be lost a bit in life, or burnt out, or uninspired. So, we latch on to a persona to have some sense of control and certainty.
But the misery persona is low-hanging fruit. It’s easy to default to the negative and assume the worst. This way if things don’t go “right”, we aren’t disappointed. It’s what we expected. Is that really the best way to approach our short time on Earth? If you’re anything like me, you spend significantly more time considering the worst possible outcome than the best possible outcome (or any type of positive outcome at all). That hardly seems fair! It’s a default setting in our brains, however, and it’s so easy to go there mentally and stay there. The misery-addicted state.
As a recovering Eeyore, I can tell you that life “on the other side” can be euphoric. Ask my wife – I once broke down sobbing after a workout because it led to a mental clarity and calmness I did not know existed. I truly didn’t know a person could feel that good.
Now the question is, how do we start the journey away from misery? Step one is awareness. My hope in sending this out is that if you feel this way, reading these words will give you this awareness. Step two is a commitment to building a foundation of health, wellness…whatever you’d like to call it. Without this foundation, I’d argue that it will be extremely difficult, if not impossible, to move away from the misery for any meaningful length of time.
This can look like a lot of things. But if you’re like me, you want something tangible. So here are seven habits to consider as you embark on your anti-misery migration:
Move more
Baby steps. Walking around the block is better than sitting on the couch. Some people enjoy running, some love lifting weights, some like kayaking, etc. Find what you like and stick with it. DISCLAIMER - you have to push past the initial discomfort when getting started to figure this out. When you do something for the first few times, you will be sore, you will be tired. That’s ok! Keep fighting the good fight.
Eat less junk
This a low bar, but it is easier said than done. Try asking yourself, “is this real food?” before you eat something. If the answer is no or you aren’t sure, find a better option. Ex. Doritos aren’t real food, opt for some fruit!
Get Better Sleep
We aren’t all in a position to get more hours of sleep. So let’s at least maximize the hours we have. Try the 10-3-2-1 method:
-10 hours before bed, no more caffeine
-3 hours before bed, no more food
-2 hours before bed, no more liquids (but be sure to hydrate prior to this!)
-1 hour before bed, no more screens
This will increase your restorative sleep (REM and Slow Wave/Deep Sleep) tremendously. If you really want to maximize sleep, cut out alcohol.
Hydrate
So many of us are chronically dehydrated and don’t realize it. Drink more water, and make sure you are getting enough electrolytes. You might consider putting a bit of salt in your water to help ensure your body is retaining the water and properly hydrating.
Meditate
This can range from sitting in a quiet room counting your breaths to listening to calm music with your eyes closed to following a meditation practice through Headspace or even YouTube or Spotify. The key is making this a maintenance activity, not just doing it when you are overwhelmed or stressed!
Read
The famous Harvard Happiness Study that has been running since the 1930’s concluded that the most important factor to living a happy and fulfilling life is having meaningful relationships. Reading gives you more to talk about. Having more to talk about makes it possible to develop more and deeper relationships.
Limit social media
Set boundaries for when you look at your phone/social media. For me, I will not look at my phone in the car, on walks, at the dining table, or when spending time with my son (unless I’m taking a picture or video – can’t resist that!). Doing this has drastically changed my relationship with my phone and social media for the better.
Could I add more to this list? Sure. But speaking from experience, if you gradually implement these ideas into your life, it can take you from Eeyore to Tigger.
From there, you can apply the idea of being happy, not satisfied, and build your own list!
-Dan
Learn More at happynotsatisfied.com